my Bed Regime/CHOMB: completely horizontal on my bed .

you know when you have a lot of things that you have to do, that is the time when you get distracted the most. right now the biggest distraction would be the winter break, which comes only after the State Exams, which should be the topmost priority right now. but i just can't stop thinking of Le Petit Train Jaune, and the fact that there might not be a connecting train from Latour De Carol to Barcelona.

my bed isn't helping either. and it's harder when the bed is also the center of all my homely activities other than sleeping namely studying, reading, everything that has to do with the laptop and ehem..eating. yea some call it the постельный режим.

a piece from the exhibition "Not Toys/Не Игрушки",
entitled "Bed Regime/Постельный Режим"

anyway, i watched some good movies recently. so here are some of my not-so-rotten-tomato comments.



Gadoh
I find the movie to be very, very honest. plus good actors.plus if you watched Air-Con last year at KLPAC and loved the casts (which included Zahiril Adzim which i know many of my girlfriends are drooling over), this would be like an extension to the play. if a movie could tell a story about 1Malaysia, this would be it. i believe that this should be on every Malaysian's must-watch list.



Barfuss (Barefoot)
Initially recommended by Layla (who coincidentally has the same name as the leading character in the movie). if i tell you about it, i'd spoil it. so just go and watch it. btw, it's in German. my German sucks, and thank God for subtitles, i got to enjoy this movie.




Changeling
finally, i watched it! not really a fan of Angelina Jolie but i love the issue brought up by the movie. how a woman can be so hopeless in an inescapable situation, and how corrupted the authority can be in deceiving the public. plus the scenes in the psychiatry clinic (just as in Barfuss) reminded me of the hospital where we went for our psychiatry cycle. pretty much the same. both sanity and insanity is a very hard thing to prove, especially when the subject under the scrutiny is you.




My Sister's Keeper
heard of the movie quite some time ago but never got around to actually watch it. so since i was having Oncology last week, i decided to get a bit feely-feely with the subject and the movie was just perfect for the purpose. it is true, cancer affects not only the patient, but also his/her family and closed ones. plus i like the way the movie tells the story from each character's point of view so we get to see the inner conflicts they're going through. felt really sorry for the brother. and i hate not to love Cameron Diaz.



The Memory Keeper's Daughter
wanted to read the book so badly but right now novels aren't really a convenient hobby, time-wise speaking. (alasan. LOL) hence the movie. all babies are special, and you never know what joy they'd bring to your life, despite whatever 'defects' they have. that's all i have to say. oh, and cameras make good gifts for dads. was glad i was the gem for Abah's Minolta! :D



(500) Days Of Summer
this has GOT to be one of the best breakup movies ever. i was so immersed in it. plus awesome songs. and, surprise surprise, it kinda gave me an epiphany. btw, am currently so crazy about Sugartown by Zoey Deschanel.

now go listen to the song!


so, that's about it for now. cheers.

my B-fication.

cancer is not inherited.
sometimes, the predisposition to it is inherited, but even so, not everyone gets it.

anyway, i kinda made my New Year Resolution. i'd like to call it my B!tchenification. seriously, i am so done with being nice and all sunshine. thoughtfulness is so last season. i'd like to be selfish for a change, just focus on what i want, and getting it done myself, my own way. i'd put myself first and expect nothing from anyone. there is no such thing as little things, random favors and giving unconditionally, because when you give, deep inside you'd expect something to be given in return. and i hate to put myself in that position. all these while i was being independent but still, i was not independent enough. so, yeah. 2010 will be about me.

der fall der Berliner Mauer.

my Berlin Wall is slowly going down. life's much better without it.

photo from The Pedestrian Project.

of sharing and sacrifices.

nothing to say in particular. just that i'm getting bored so i need to try some new things. hence the fotos. plus i promised a friend that i'd share. comments & criticism are most welcomed.

somewhere in eastern part of Moscow.
Nov 26th, around 3 p.m.

Selamat Hari Raya Aidiladha. what sacrifices have you made? i honestly have no idea what i've sacrificed on my part. i feel so selfish, for wanting too much and putting myself at the center of my world. le sigh.

I Dream of Sanctuary

It was a dream
convergence of themes
a gift to the team
so it seems

but it is time to hunker
deep in the bunker
time for prayers
while the naysayers
fill the ears
as they blow their horns
as i lay bruised and torn

it's time for adieu
and I love all of you

Rawang - Kelana Jaya - Damansara Jaya
October 2009

life needs frosting.

winter is good when the snow is just starting to fall. everything is blanketed in pure soft whiteness, and your mind starts to wander just by looking out through the window. it's not that cold yet, and minus the puddles, it's a winter wonderland!

p.s. excuse my skill in photography, but i tried my best to share with you some photos i took using my phone on the way back from class today. yeah, polarized. call it my fave iPhone photo app. :P

Ул. Островитянова / Ostrovityanova Str. Nov 18th 09

i'm fine.

i find it hard to find people who understand. i thought certain feelings should be universal but i was proven wrong, too many times in such a short span of time. perhaps it's generation gap, 20 years ago these things wouldn't have mattered. or we can come from the same age but you're not a girl so to you it's a laughing matter. or you're not at the receiving end so you think you're doing me a favor. or maybe i'm just being an impossible person to live with.

sometimes i feel like i hate everyone but really, i just hate myself.

an average person tells 4 lies a day, or 1460 a year, a total of 88,000 by the age of 60. And the most common lie is :
I’m Fine.

23.

Svetnoy Boulevard, October 2009.

the courage to be brave
faith in believing
reasons to understand
endurance to stay hopeful
and humility to trust.

November 11, 2009.

what, i'm giving fashion tips now?

help me understand, what's so fashionable about being fashionably late?

if i am correct (i could be wrong), in fashion world a trend comes and goes so quickly that skinny jeans and huge glasses might be oh-so-last-season before we know it. it probably already is, who knows. if watching ANTM and Project Runway taught me anything, it would be that you need to constantly do a wardrobe makeover to catch up with the latest in-thing in the fashion magazines.

like, you know for Raya this year the trend is Baju Kurung Moden (btw just found out that it's a.k.a BKM Lengan Dato' Siti. LOL). you know which baju kurung i'm talking about. wait let me show u a pic:


wear this baju on next Raya and you'll look like Raya Tahun Lepas.

which brings me back to my point - "fashionably late" seems to be an ongoing trend that doesn't seem to fade away with time. so they say that you can never go wrong with a little black dress, is it the same as being fashionably late?

here are a few assumptions (to you late-bloomers, these are written in the form of sarcasm):

1. to avoid looking too eager.

if you're invited for an open house at 2 o'clock, and you turn up at 2.oo on the dot, you will look kebuloq.

which reminds me of last week. i wanted to go for McZaftrak but there were no buses and the only mashruts that kept coming were the ones that go to Kalushkaya, so i changed plans and went to Kalushkaya instead. i arrived at 9.45 and the mall is only open at 10. there were 20+ other people waiting outside the mall (it was drizzling) and people were starting to be fidgety, some were walking to and fro, and many kept peeking inside although they already know that it's still 15 mins to go.

but then... when the guard finally unlocked the doors, everybody started walking so slowly (too slowly even) and made the most neutral faces, as if they don't really wanna go into the mall at all. okay, including me. this i must admit.


2. it's Janji Melayu-lah!

everybody's gonna turn up late (sometimes even the person who sets the appointment/meeting) anyway so there's no point in being on-time, kan?


3. you don't wanna go but you have to

it's gonna be booooring so you're hoping that people will start without you, and you'll only be there when it started half-way. save you from half of the misery.


4. the Grand Entrance

the coolest thing is how people look at you as you walk in through the door, interrupting whatever that they're doing. plus you don't look too eager, you don't have to wait for anyone and you saved some time from doing whatever they're doing before you got there.


anyway, i think if we could at least try to be on time, we could save ourselves from reasons no.1, no.2 and no.3. (but the mall... they're already on time. hihi) reason no.4 is seriously an issue of bad personality.

it's high time that we realize that there is nothing fashionable about being late. nobody likes to wait, so don't keep people waiting. you're not the only busy people on earth. everybody has matters to attend to, and all of us have the exact amount of hours in a day.

so yeah. it's so last season.

winter 'without' snow and "pork-flu".

i hate to start my post by talking about the weather (yawn) but it's really an inevitable topic if you're living in Moscow. though Mayor Luzhkov promised a winter 'without' snow, up until now everything still looks pretty normal to me, just like the previous years.

gah. time to dress up in bubbly furry bulky wrappy multi-layered outfits. and gloves (which cut down finger sensitivity and preciseness of movements by multiples). and tubs of body butter to avoid dryness that can eventually lead to sleepless nights due to itchiness.

recommended by me.

the plus-side would be i get to wear my Bearpaw! and sleep during winter is always good. and its the most strategic time to ganti puasa. hihi. i'm so gonna miss this next year.

it might be another case of late bloomer, but H1N1 a.k.a "pork-flu" (LOL. failed translation at its worst) just became a big issue here in Moscow. not really in the mood to find out the scientific explanation (as to why only now and not months earlier) of it right now but it might have to do with the season (again).

apparently the flu claimed its first victim a couple of weeks ago (if i'm not mistaken. saw the newspaper headline during a metro ride. feel free to correct me on this fact) and hostels are so-called being quarantined. lecturers are calling in sick, students as well. you sneeze in class, you'll be told to go home and not come on the next day. although staying home when you're sick isn't that much fun as staying home when the lecturer's the one who is sick. (hihihi)



okay i'm gonna pen off now. if you haven't, just take few mins to watch Cheburashka on youtube. trust me it's extreeeeeemely adorable. comot, tapi comel. will write about it later.

autumn, and night on the Dnieper.

Pervomaiskaya, Boulevard str.

sometimes the thought of going home for good in less than 9 months gives me more pressure than pleasure. so much to do, too little time. for instance, i barely had/took the time to appreciate the autumn and by now, it's already ending.

possible reasons:
1) it kinda rained all the time.
2) when i wasn't running late to the hospital, i am probably too hungry and couldn't think of anything else other than the simplest dish i can cook for the day.
3) i spend too much time underground in the metro (average 3 hours per day) my brain becomes too hypoxic to serve more than survival functions.
4) i suck at taking fotos. but i like 'polarizing' them :P

apple trees near the morgue in Pervomaiskaya. must taste good, no? :P

took this while walking to class. 5 mins to 9.

this week's kinda good anyway. 3 productive days in class (ehem) - i finally get over the fact that i hate Volov. he's okay when he's not making sexist remarks. plus i'm getting better at ECG (when i'm not confused), although he kept on failing us! we'll see on Monday. i bet he's not letting us go that easily.

yesterday i had some free time so i decided to go on a long-overdue planned trip to the Tretyakovskaya Gallery. (yawn, that's what i thought but whutevs, everybody's been saying that it's a must-visit) and hey! surprisingly, it was kinda good! i recommend it: if you need some time alone just by yourself, and you're short on money so shopping is not a possible option.

well actually i did some research beforehand and found an exhibition on modern art i'm interested in seeing but it turns out that it's not in Tretyakovskaya, but somewhere near Park Kultury (how would i know that Tretyakov's gallery is not only in Tretyakovskaya. LOL). so maybe next time.

anyway, i was already there at the gallery with 60-exhibition halls, plus the entrance fee was only 70 rubs so i thought, what the hey.. i had nothing else to do anyway.

here's my fave from the gallery (no fotos allowed, so i googled it up but trust me is not the same as the real thing). seriously, i swear it's almost magical.

"Ночь На Днепре", Куинджи А.И.
Night on the Dnieper by A.I. Kuindzhi

if you're happy.

this question was asked to us today: which is easier - to feel sad for other people's sadness, or to feel happy for other people's happiness?

kawan semasa senang, kawan semasa susah.

i'm happy if you're happy. really?

i took little time to ponder before i decide on my answer: it's easier for me to feel sad for people's sadness.

true, it's impossible to really put yourself in someone else's shoes and feel exactly the burden and suffering he/she is feeling, but the least we can do is feel sorry.

but being happy upon seeing other people's happy moment- i have to admit that i honestly cannot remember the last time i felt that way. at least not in my heart, though i might have said it out of custom.

i said it too many times but i just can't help but imagine that it could've been me instead in that picture, smiling.

i know, it's all been planned by Him, and we all have our parts of fortunes in different proportions and at different times and they can manifest themselves in the most unexpected ways.. but it's easier to be forgetful, no?

i am one jealous person. sometimes my jealousy eats me up from inside and i become this horrible, horrible, horrible angry person.

please, help me remind myself that despite everything, i still have it all.

thank You.


p.s. for this post, i thank Kak Saidah, Sab, Huda, Camp & Kak Syaz. <3

ear candy?

my fingers' been itching to update this blog but i can't think of anything sensible to say. so since i haven't blogged much on music these days, i'm just gonna do it the easier way. no, this isn't like those posts on Facebook; you know, the one where you put your iPod on shuffle and answer the questions with the title of the song that is playing. (although i've been wanting to try but since everyone seemed to have done it, it's kinda not fun anymore.)

so i made a playlist of some of the songs i keep playing on my iPod these past weeks.

enjoy!

chick-peas and labels.

sometimes a bit of a harsh word can be a little push and all the motivation you need. but i don't see it happening, at least not yesterday, and certainly not today. i should be shoving my face in books right now but the lazier part of me wants to continue being disheartened. or the somewhat disheartened part of me wants to keep being lazy. same difference, no?

a certain Volov might've pushed it too far into sarcasm and sexist jokes. i admit that since quite recently i have evolved into this monster who has minimal sense of humor (ask my dad), but i swear since birth i was never equipped with those involving sexist jokes. yes, i am a feminist and i believe in gender equality to a certain extent.

you know how people tend to put labels?

she doesn't know how to spell hemorrhagic! well of course, she's a blonde! she cant decipher the ECG, of course...sheesh! women and their decision making! is she even palpating the abdomen? geez, women doctors really don't know how to percuss.

people suck because they suck, they're ill-equipped or just plain ignorant. it might have something to do with hormones, that i admit but to blame it all every time on the XX chromosome is just too much. plus, PMS is not the excuse for everything, although we tend to over-use it. sometimes it's just the issue of personality and upbringing.

and for the record, i didn't bring the stacks of papers today not because i am a woman, but because i am a forgetful human being. in fact, i don't care about the papers at all. but to save myself and all womanhood, i will bring them tomorrow. just for you. and you can ask me to draw 'swans' on all of them as much as you can!

i know by now this entry could be used against me as a sign of me, a woman, reacting to a certain event by putting my emotions, fueled by my feminine hormones ahead of my chick-pea sized brain in my religiously-oppressed scarved head.

yes of course?